rambling thoughts

fresh winds practicing tonight as usual.  brenda singing "for every blessing", us "that's why I praise You"......

I think back over this week.  I felt really good monday which caused me to do too much.  fatigue builds over the days.  my mind goes to the "dark" place.  I get scared.  I don't want to die.  people say "you are so strong".  yeah but strong people die too.  I don't want to miss anything.  I never want to be left out.

my thoughts wander, go down, then up but not too far up.  I tell myself you have no choice, what is going to happen will happen whether you want it to or not. this is not your call.  get over it, you know the drill.

back to tonight, for every blessing, that's why I praise You.........I realized something......If God takes me now, I have so many blessings, He has done enough.......married to david for almost 40 years, michelle and bill, haley, nick, blake, dustin and jess.....mom, dad, donna, david, lori......fresh winds (cannot name you all, God gathered us up from all directions just for me you know)......the outpouring of love from so many, you know who you are (I don't even know who all of you are)....support and love I have never known before.......upon returning home tonight dustin handed me a cd he recorded today of a song he had written about his journey dealing with my cancer diagnosis.......so awesome...

yep, if He takes me now I have been blessed enough.......

by popular demand.....................

CT results:

Tumors in lungs are 2/3's smaller

Tumor in retro-peritoneal nodes 1/3 smaller

NO NEW SITES SEEN!

GOD VIA THE "POISON" IS WORKING!!!!!!!!!!!

YA GOD!