fresh winds practicing tonight as usual. brenda singing "for every blessing", us "that's why I praise You"......
I think back over this week. I felt really good monday which caused me to do too much. fatigue builds over the days. my mind goes to the "dark" place. I get scared. I don't want to die. people say "you are so strong". yeah but strong people die too. I don't want to miss anything. I never want to be left out.
my thoughts wander, go down, then up but not too far up. I tell myself you have no choice, what is going to happen will happen whether you want it to or not. this is not your call. get over it, you know the drill.
back to tonight, for every blessing, that's why I praise You.........I realized something......If God takes me now, I have so many blessings, He has done enough.......married to david for almost 40 years, michelle and bill, haley, nick, blake, dustin and jess.....mom, dad, donna, david, lori......fresh winds (cannot name you all, God gathered us up from all directions just for me you know)......the outpouring of love from so many, you know who you are (I don't even know who all of you are)....support and love I have never known before.......upon returning home tonight dustin handed me a cd he recorded today of a song he had written about his journey dealing with my cancer diagnosis.......so awesome...
yep, if He takes me now I have been blessed enough.......
Diane - how beautiful, honest and poignant! (Maybe poignant and honest mean the same - no English major.) It is so easy to focus on all the stuff and not on what God has done for us and the blessings he has bestowed upon us. You are indeed blessed and you are such a beautiful, Christian womaall you. And you are strong even in the moments of weakness. Tried to call you on your cell phone and could not get thru. Please email me with your # - so I can arrange a time to see you and bring a little something. Take care and continue to receive His blessings - Linda L.
ReplyDeleteYou are in our thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteTo the readers,
ReplyDeleteIf you want to know what honesty looks like in the flesh look no further. I sing with this wonderful lady in Fresh Winds and when she sings "who can calm your fears and dry your tears and take away the pain" she means it. This is not to say there aren't dark days or dark weeks, but her honest reflections as noted above are not church answers, but rather ones that give evidence that God is merciful and gives grace even in our worst of days. I don't know why this is happening...but I know who does and that's all I need to know for now. You inspire me Diane..and David.
I know God has a plan for us all but I will never understand why good people who live right and is always the example of what you believe in seem to get the raw deal. Sis, I think lots of when we were kids. Us girls shared a room. I would sit on one of the beds just watching you get ready to go on a date with Dave. I would think how beautiful you were. You weren't just my big sister. You were the person who, even then, had already made your decision to live by your faith. We know that little kids watch and learn by example, but I don't know if you ever knew I was paying attention. I wanted so much to be you. We all know that I chose not to live making good choices and took the harder road to learn. I just felt I needed to tell you that even though years have past, childhood memories are priceless and lately I am remembering many. Maybe all the talk about the royal wedding coming up and how you came over and we stayed up all night to watch it. I love you. Lori
ReplyDeleteWe are all so blessed, BUT we are not all facing what you are facing! You are amazing and human!!!!! We are continuing to pray for you...can't imagine the ups and downs you are having but we will CONTINUE to pray!!!!
ReplyDeletesuch a inspiration
ReplyDeleteYou are strong. A role model for all of us, which we will someday be in your shoes in one way or another. Your faith in knowing that God is God is what shines through. We may fight Him every step of the way throughout our lives but He is who He says He is! He does love and care for us beyond what we can imagine - so even in the darkest hour - be reminded of how much He loves you - He created you and knows you intimately. He's ok with every question or doubt and more importantly rejoices in you turning toward Him. He loves you and so do I. His ways are not our ways and He only has good things in store for you. xoxo Deb
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