well, it's a good thing I have 2 weeks to recover til next dose. haven't left house since I got home from dinner with david and bill wed nite. showers wear me out so david got me a shower chair. yep, I am the owner of my first old lady equipment, unless you count the tight hose so my legs won't swell so much! at least the chair helps so I don't get so out of breath in the shower before my legs give out.
I spend my days watching reruns of ncis and criminal minds watching the clock for the next time for my pain pills. don't freak out you religious people but I was tempted to add some rum to the mix. I understand why people in pain do that. don't worry, I am very careful with my pain meds.
I also understand why people went to kavorkian! I could not do it but I understand more now than when I took care of people who were dying.
my head is tingling in anticipation of my hair failing out in a couple of weeks. dustin, get your clippers ready.
I have found it does not matter how comfortable your chair is when you are in it 24/7!
it amazes me when grown men think they are "all that" when they catch a football and score points. yeah, I love football season and miss it every year when it it over but come on. Find a cure for say cancer, then I will say you're "all that".
sorry, you caught me on a bad day, and this is just a bit better than the last few.......just saying!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
poison called gemzar
It's time to let you know what's going on.
After 5 of 6 gemzar treatments the poison the side effects did me in. I was dehydrated but very swollen. Had to have IV fluids at home over a weekend. Blood work not doing well. Nauseated. You probably get the idea. I had a CT to see if there were blood clots causing the swelling or perhaps the cancer had progressed. Neither were great choices.
The CT scan showed the lymph node had at least halted growth. No improvement but no growth either. Since the side effects were taking their toll on me, lowering my quality of life, the 6th gemzar was not given.
Today we saw the doctor. We need to change drugs. The goal is to shrink the node. If we do nothing it will grow. So, next Tuesday we start Taxotere. This week is a rest week. We need to get going on this.
Here's the hitch. Gemzar is the only drug that would let me keep my hair. So, in about 4 weeks I will be bald again. He was concerned how I felt about that. The only answer is it's just hair. My choices are no hair and continue in attack mode or keep my hair and let the cancer go. I just can't do that.
David told the doctor that we had found that women with metastatic uterine cancer only live a year. The doctor said that's right. Kind of sobering. But my DDD (drop dead date) was Jan 4. My CT scan was one year to the day that we found metastatic disease last Jan. So we have done really well, beat the odds if you will. God used poison to give me time. Precious time.
I was so hoping the first round of treatments beginning last Jan would do the trick. I have found out one thing. It's not so easy to trust this time around. Especially when I feel so bad. I know God sees my heart and I try to rely on that truth. Jeremiah 29:11 is still true no matter how I am feeling or whether I "trust" or not. God is still in charge even when my faith is not so high.
David is realizing we are doing just that. Buying time. He knew it but it is hitting him again. It is a sobering thought. Actually, we are all on borrowed time. I am reminded again, we are all at His mercy. Live the best life you can. He's God................
After 5 of 6 gemzar treatments the poison the side effects did me in. I was dehydrated but very swollen. Had to have IV fluids at home over a weekend. Blood work not doing well. Nauseated. You probably get the idea. I had a CT to see if there were blood clots causing the swelling or perhaps the cancer had progressed. Neither were great choices.
The CT scan showed the lymph node had at least halted growth. No improvement but no growth either. Since the side effects were taking their toll on me, lowering my quality of life, the 6th gemzar was not given.
Today we saw the doctor. We need to change drugs. The goal is to shrink the node. If we do nothing it will grow. So, next Tuesday we start Taxotere. This week is a rest week. We need to get going on this.
Here's the hitch. Gemzar is the only drug that would let me keep my hair. So, in about 4 weeks I will be bald again. He was concerned how I felt about that. The only answer is it's just hair. My choices are no hair and continue in attack mode or keep my hair and let the cancer go. I just can't do that.
David told the doctor that we had found that women with metastatic uterine cancer only live a year. The doctor said that's right. Kind of sobering. But my DDD (drop dead date) was Jan 4. My CT scan was one year to the day that we found metastatic disease last Jan. So we have done really well, beat the odds if you will. God used poison to give me time. Precious time.
I was so hoping the first round of treatments beginning last Jan would do the trick. I have found out one thing. It's not so easy to trust this time around. Especially when I feel so bad. I know God sees my heart and I try to rely on that truth. Jeremiah 29:11 is still true no matter how I am feeling or whether I "trust" or not. God is still in charge even when my faith is not so high.
David is realizing we are doing just that. Buying time. He knew it but it is hitting him again. It is a sobering thought. Actually, we are all on borrowed time. I am reminded again, we are all at His mercy. Live the best life you can. He's God................
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