Hi,
Let me add me thanks for your friendship and support for my lady "di". We went to her favorite spot the Rave and watched movies last night. Diane is so encouraged by your wonderful expressions of love. Truely Diane is blessed by you. I love you guys. Thank you for loving Diane.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
stuff day!
There is a tradition at Christ Hospital known as "stuff day". You may know it as "carry in dinner" or something like that. It's where everyone brings in their favorite food and everyone "stuffs" their face all day. Usually this happens in connection with a celebration of some kind. A new baby, new employee, old employee moving on, some worthy accomplishment.
Yesterday my work colleagues had a "stuff day" for me. They wanted to support me in my fight against this poison called cancer that has decided to give me the fight of my life. They are joining me in my fight, lifting me up, praying for me, holding my hands up like Aaron did for Moses when the battle was raging and depended on Moses' hands being held high to win the battle. Now that might seem a bit dramatic but to me, that's what it is.
I am deeply humbled by the love shown me yesterday by my colleagues. Thank you so much Christ Hospital Cath Lab / Angio / CVRU and ANYONE else who took part. I don't know who everyone is, but you know who you are. Both near and far. There are no words that can express my love and gratitude to you.
I am holding out for a miracle here. So when that happens we will party all over again. My prayer is that God will richly bless all of you.
Love, diane
Yesterday my work colleagues had a "stuff day" for me. They wanted to support me in my fight against this poison called cancer that has decided to give me the fight of my life. They are joining me in my fight, lifting me up, praying for me, holding my hands up like Aaron did for Moses when the battle was raging and depended on Moses' hands being held high to win the battle. Now that might seem a bit dramatic but to me, that's what it is.
I am deeply humbled by the love shown me yesterday by my colleagues. Thank you so much Christ Hospital Cath Lab / Angio / CVRU and ANYONE else who took part. I don't know who everyone is, but you know who you are. Both near and far. There are no words that can express my love and gratitude to you.
I am holding out for a miracle here. So when that happens we will party all over again. My prayer is that God will richly bless all of you.
Love, diane
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Today's Events
Diane,
I am so proud to be your husband. Today we received words of life from Dr. John Sacco. The lifestyle of eating, suppliments and exercise gives us power to overcome cancer and chemo. Today is the first day I have sensed that there is something we can do to make life better and longer. Tonite at Last Wednesday at CR. I committed your spirit, life and my control into God's Hands. God has and will always be in charge and trusted. Our life together is a testimony of that fact. I thank God for you everyday. I love you so much. I trust God to help me to be a competent and committed caregiver. TEAM ORNER will defeat Team Cancer.
I am so proud to be your husband. Today we received words of life from Dr. John Sacco. The lifestyle of eating, suppliments and exercise gives us power to overcome cancer and chemo. Today is the first day I have sensed that there is something we can do to make life better and longer. Tonite at Last Wednesday at CR. I committed your spirit, life and my control into God's Hands. God has and will always be in charge and trusted. Our life together is a testimony of that fact. I thank God for you everyday. I love you so much. I trust God to help me to be a competent and committed caregiver. TEAM ORNER will defeat Team Cancer.
Monday, January 24, 2011
today was good and not so good
I realized something today. This fatigue is too much for me. I try to go to work but I am so tired. The slightest task wears me out and I have to wait until it passes. Things that I took for granted just wear me out. I want to work. I need to work. But I am so worn out.
The good part is I had a bone scan and head CT today. You will be pleased to know that they did find a brain. It is now documented. But there is nothing there, No visible sign of cancer. That's a relief.
Then there was the bone scan. I now have a diagnosis of arthritis. Shoulders, knees and feet. I have some regenerative changes in my lower back. Ok, I'm getting old, And I hope to get ALOT older! Actual result of bone scan - no evidence of cancer. There was one speck that the doc did not think was cancer because when compared to the CT of that area there was not a corresponding spot. He said would tell me if he saw anything.
I should be thrilled right? I just cannot get away from the "speck"! Negatives have always been easier for me to believe.
I really am not feeling encouraged today. Fear has overwhelmed me yet again. I know there is a multitude of folks praying for me.. My arms are sagging and need held up.
So you see, today was good and bad for me. Good test results and depression all in one day. Talk about an oxymoron!
The good part is I had a bone scan and head CT today. You will be pleased to know that they did find a brain. It is now documented. But there is nothing there, No visible sign of cancer. That's a relief.
Then there was the bone scan. I now have a diagnosis of arthritis. Shoulders, knees and feet. I have some regenerative changes in my lower back. Ok, I'm getting old, And I hope to get ALOT older! Actual result of bone scan - no evidence of cancer. There was one speck that the doc did not think was cancer because when compared to the CT of that area there was not a corresponding spot. He said would tell me if he saw anything.
I should be thrilled right? I just cannot get away from the "speck"! Negatives have always been easier for me to believe.
I really am not feeling encouraged today. Fear has overwhelmed me yet again. I know there is a multitude of folks praying for me.. My arms are sagging and need held up.
So you see, today was good and bad for me. Good test results and depression all in one day. Talk about an oxymoron!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
love to hear from you
When I set up this blog I wanted everyone to be able to see/comment even if you do not have google account. Although the google account is free I know not everyone wants one. So, If you do comment or follow would you mind identifying yourself? I need and love the encouragement. Sometimes just initials or first names aren't enough for me to tell who you are. And for sure David, Michelle, and Dustin will want to know who you are too. I have so many many many friends and followers LOL. Well you know what I mean! If you would like to not reveal yourself publicly you could send a message to us.......thanks, love you all.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
david, michelle and dustin
I have added David, Michelle and Dustin as authors so they can post too. They are going through this right along with me.....I love them all beyond words.
don't worry
Before you think I am going to bore you with every ache and pain, don't worry, I won't. But, there's always a but isn't there, today I feel like crap. Aches and pains. Tired. Depressed. This just cannot be happening to me! My mom's grandma lived to be 97. That was my plan. I picture this "poison" scattered all over inside me. I just can't believe it. I don't need sermons tho', just understanding. I know this is temporary. I remember the oncologist saying this will shorten my life. I really don't like that. I am depending on y'all to carry me....not doing that so good today.........
I told you this might be too much for you!
I told you this might be too much for you!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Wig Purchased
Monday my sister in law Carol took me to look at wigs. Carol is very encouraging and is so positive. We agreed on one that we thought looked best. The lady measured my head and to her amazement I am the same size as the mannequin heads upon which all the wigs are mounted for display. As luck would have it I did not have to order one. So, you guessed it, I bought it. It needed a little bang adjustment and I picked it up today. Of course Humana only pays $400 lifetime for wigs. Not even close to the cost but I am so vain I just could not bring myself to get one of the cheaper ones. Insurance is not very friendly sometimes.
Anyway, here it is. What do you think?
Anyway, here it is. What do you think?
first chemo treatment
Yesterday was my first treatment. One thing for sure, don't go with a "hurry up" attitude. You will just be frustrated. Pick your chair, making sure there is a plug for my laptop, sit and wait. The nurses are nice. Some sit at the desk and you wonder what they are doing because you really don't see much movement.
Just let me say that although I am new at this the port-a-cath is the way to go. A little lidocaine cream before leaving home and there is really not much pain at all. If you don't know what that is it is a contraption placed just under the skin that allows administration of IV medication and drawing blood without sticking you all over trying to do the same thing. After while you will have no veins to stick. Awesome.
The drugs begin. Steroids and Benedryl for potential allergic reaction. Zantac for your stomach. And a three day anti-nausea drug.
Then the Taxol. One of the drugs to attack the cancer. If there is a plus side to this the drug is in 80% alcohol. For every 100mg you get 1oz 80 proof liquor. My dose is 348mg. That is 3.5oz of 80 proof liquor IV. Mercy me.
Then the Carboplatin. Another cancer attacking drug. This one has no specialness during the infusion. Guess I can't have it all.
David brought me Skyline for lunch. Treatment done. Go home.
I wanted to go to McAllister's with Michelle, her boys and Bill for supper. David tries to talk me out of it. Doctor said to do whatever I felt like doing. Don't dwell on the cancer. Live my life. I went.
You see, I had not seen the boys since they were told about the cancer. Now this is scary enough for us as adults but my precious grand kids must be so scared and they don't know how to express it. We needed to hug, to ease their fears. I need to be normal. Quiet Joe!
With the "steroid rush" I did not sleep last night. I created this blog. The nurse said I would probably clean house but you all know me better than that. If you don't just keep up with this blog and you will.
Just let me say that although I am new at this the port-a-cath is the way to go. A little lidocaine cream before leaving home and there is really not much pain at all. If you don't know what that is it is a contraption placed just under the skin that allows administration of IV medication and drawing blood without sticking you all over trying to do the same thing. After while you will have no veins to stick. Awesome.
The drugs begin. Steroids and Benedryl for potential allergic reaction. Zantac for your stomach. And a three day anti-nausea drug.
Then the Taxol. One of the drugs to attack the cancer. If there is a plus side to this the drug is in 80% alcohol. For every 100mg you get 1oz 80 proof liquor. My dose is 348mg. That is 3.5oz of 80 proof liquor IV. Mercy me.
Then the Carboplatin. Another cancer attacking drug. This one has no specialness during the infusion. Guess I can't have it all.
David brought me Skyline for lunch. Treatment done. Go home.
I wanted to go to McAllister's with Michelle, her boys and Bill for supper. David tries to talk me out of it. Doctor said to do whatever I felt like doing. Don't dwell on the cancer. Live my life. I went.
You see, I had not seen the boys since they were told about the cancer. Now this is scary enough for us as adults but my precious grand kids must be so scared and they don't know how to express it. We needed to hug, to ease their fears. I need to be normal. Quiet Joe!
With the "steroid rush" I did not sleep last night. I created this blog. The nurse said I would probably clean house but you all know me better than that. If you don't just keep up with this blog and you will.
The Beginning
On June 8, 2009 I was notified by my gynecologist that the biopsy taken the previous week was indeed Endometrial Cancer. I was already scheduled for a CT scan to see if the cancer had spread, the surgeon was notified and I was to see her, and I was to have surgery on Friday June 12, 2009 @ 1pm.
CT scan was negative for metastasis so I felt good about that. My husband David and I met the surgeon, Marcia Bowling a gynecologic oncologist. She was very confident. She explained the surgery and we were as ready as we could be.
June 12, 2009 a hysterectomy with bilateral salpingo-oopherectomy was performed. Multiple lymph nodes and washing were sampled. When the pathology report came back the next week the staging was early and since no mets had been found we were confident everything was fine. Radiation to the next likely spot, the vagina, was done to lessen the chance of recurrence from 15 to 3-4%. You see the tumor was near the vasculature so the Radiation was administered vaginally (second oncologist joins my case).
Checks were done faithfully every three months and all was well. During the summer of 2010 I complained of not having my stamina back. I was referred to my primary care for work-up. Of course nothing was found. They always want to say the since I was old, fat, and don't exercise is the reason for just about anything,
In Dec 2010 during my regular check up I described a couple of vague abdominal symptoms that just could not be explained away. So we got a CT and Chest Xray. Sure enough, there it was.
On January 4, 2011 I found out that the Cancer had metastasized to my retroperitoneal lymph nodes and nodules were scattered bilaterally throughout my lungs. Old, fat, and not exercising huh? Seriously?
I saw yet another oncologist and the process was initiated immediately to begin chemo. A biopsy performed on January 7th confirmed the diagnosis. Jan 13th I had a port-a-cath surgically implanted in my upper left shoulder for easy access to administer the chemo and draw blood. Yesterday, Jan 18th I had my first chemo treatment.
You see, this cancer is aggressive. If I don't have chemo, although the doctor absolutely admits that he cannot know when a person will die, I only have months. With chemo there is a 60% chance for remission.
I have wondered how I would react if I ever received news like this. I was feeling blessed and grateful to have gotten mine removed with so little chance of recurrence when others weren't so fortunate.
When a friend who was diagnosed with cancer the same year as I died just a few days ago I thought how does God choose who gets to live or die. The very next day I found out mine had spread.
So here is my response to this news: God is in charge and He knows what He is doing. I have always trusted God with my life. We have followed where He was leading, at least to the best of our discernment. He has ALWAYS taken care of us and our family. I love Him so much and my love grows as I get older and see more of Him.
I don't want to die. I have a lot to do yet. Dustin will get married. Haley will get married. Nick and Blake will some day for that matter. Michelle and Bill need me to be their ever so present mother/mother-in-law for many years yet. Then Dustin will have kids etc. Mom and Dad are still here and although I don't do that much for them living the farthest away, I do what I can. David needs me I think, at least to take care of his medical issues. That's one of the things I can do well. lol.
Singing in Fresh Winds, they don't need me, but I sure do need them. They cannot know just how precious they are to me. Words do not do it justice. I mean that about each and every member.
Then there's our friends in the bt. Nothing needs to be said here. What said in bt........!
So what's next for me? I will do what I can to fight this "poison" in me. God will take me when He is ready and not before. It is really left up to Him. He does know that I want to stay as long as I can.
I know I will have various kinds of days and moods, both ups and downs. God knows that too. He has been so patient with me over these past 57 years. I have grown to know that He loves me and does not condemn me. He created me and has changed me to be more like he wants me to be. I am not a finished product yet. I falter and fail more times that I would like. But I have also grown in so many ways too. The good thing is that there is nothing I do that gets me into heaven. Only the grace of God by His Son dying on the cross accomplishes that. He did it for me and you.
I want to live my life to the fullest for as long as I have left. I really don't have a bucket list since I do pretty much what I want to now. I want more time. I want to be around people who I love and love me. That's really what I want to do.
I have a lot of singing, laughing, and aggravating doctors left to do. And, don't forget the RAVE!
CT scan was negative for metastasis so I felt good about that. My husband David and I met the surgeon, Marcia Bowling a gynecologic oncologist. She was very confident. She explained the surgery and we were as ready as we could be.
June 12, 2009 a hysterectomy with bilateral salpingo-oopherectomy was performed. Multiple lymph nodes and washing were sampled. When the pathology report came back the next week the staging was early and since no mets had been found we were confident everything was fine. Radiation to the next likely spot, the vagina, was done to lessen the chance of recurrence from 15 to 3-4%. You see the tumor was near the vasculature so the Radiation was administered vaginally (second oncologist joins my case).
Checks were done faithfully every three months and all was well. During the summer of 2010 I complained of not having my stamina back. I was referred to my primary care for work-up. Of course nothing was found. They always want to say the since I was old, fat, and don't exercise is the reason for just about anything,
In Dec 2010 during my regular check up I described a couple of vague abdominal symptoms that just could not be explained away. So we got a CT and Chest Xray. Sure enough, there it was.
On January 4, 2011 I found out that the Cancer had metastasized to my retroperitoneal lymph nodes and nodules were scattered bilaterally throughout my lungs. Old, fat, and not exercising huh? Seriously?
I saw yet another oncologist and the process was initiated immediately to begin chemo. A biopsy performed on January 7th confirmed the diagnosis. Jan 13th I had a port-a-cath surgically implanted in my upper left shoulder for easy access to administer the chemo and draw blood. Yesterday, Jan 18th I had my first chemo treatment.
You see, this cancer is aggressive. If I don't have chemo, although the doctor absolutely admits that he cannot know when a person will die, I only have months. With chemo there is a 60% chance for remission.
I have wondered how I would react if I ever received news like this. I was feeling blessed and grateful to have gotten mine removed with so little chance of recurrence when others weren't so fortunate.
When a friend who was diagnosed with cancer the same year as I died just a few days ago I thought how does God choose who gets to live or die. The very next day I found out mine had spread.
So here is my response to this news: God is in charge and He knows what He is doing. I have always trusted God with my life. We have followed where He was leading, at least to the best of our discernment. He has ALWAYS taken care of us and our family. I love Him so much and my love grows as I get older and see more of Him.
I don't want to die. I have a lot to do yet. Dustin will get married. Haley will get married. Nick and Blake will some day for that matter. Michelle and Bill need me to be their ever so present mother/mother-in-law for many years yet. Then Dustin will have kids etc. Mom and Dad are still here and although I don't do that much for them living the farthest away, I do what I can. David needs me I think, at least to take care of his medical issues. That's one of the things I can do well. lol.
Singing in Fresh Winds, they don't need me, but I sure do need them. They cannot know just how precious they are to me. Words do not do it justice. I mean that about each and every member.
Then there's our friends in the bt. Nothing needs to be said here. What said in bt........!
So what's next for me? I will do what I can to fight this "poison" in me. God will take me when He is ready and not before. It is really left up to Him. He does know that I want to stay as long as I can.
I know I will have various kinds of days and moods, both ups and downs. God knows that too. He has been so patient with me over these past 57 years. I have grown to know that He loves me and does not condemn me. He created me and has changed me to be more like he wants me to be. I am not a finished product yet. I falter and fail more times that I would like. But I have also grown in so many ways too. The good thing is that there is nothing I do that gets me into heaven. Only the grace of God by His Son dying on the cross accomplishes that. He did it for me and you.
I want to live my life to the fullest for as long as I have left. I really don't have a bucket list since I do pretty much what I want to now. I want more time. I want to be around people who I love and love me. That's really what I want to do.
I have a lot of singing, laughing, and aggravating doctors left to do. And, don't forget the RAVE!
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