I'm not really much of a blogger. I notice it has been 2 months since my last update. I have more of a "negative" slant to me, I know "shocker", and I don't want to fill this with downer stuff. Another thing I need to work on! "Shocker" again!
We have been in a waiting game since my last chemo. We began chemo in Nov because my tumor markers were rising and the CT scan showed the lymph node was growing. I was unable to tolerate the complete number of treatments of both Gemzar and Taxotere. They were too toxic. The positive things they accomplished was the markers lowered a bit and stabilized and the tumor essentially stopped growing. We were hoping for everything to decrease.
I was too weak to continue chemo after the above. The doc wants me to wait as long as I could before starting another drug. Evidently, the longer you wait between drugs the better you are survival wise. And that's where we are.
I still am unable to tolerate much activity. I tired easily. I moved David's golf bag and even that made me out of breath. My stamina is still low.
I must admit that while everyone is ecstatic about the current state of tumor and markers being stable I want to just get it over with so I can move on.
We did another CT yesterday, and markers Tues. Markers are down 2 points and CT is unchanged.
I am trying to accept that at least I have more time not actually having chemo. Believe me, chemo is HELL. And I do not say that lightly.
Not only the physical part of it. The mental part of it. And some folks treat you differently. People are uncomfortable seeing me bald. They keep things from me thinking it is too much for me. Stay away so as not to stress me out or make me feel bad.
I get it. They don't know what to say. They don't want to cause me pain or discomfort. But if they only knew how lonely that makes me feel. Out of the loop. And I get energy from people. Others are not like that but if you really know me then you know that.
The doc told me early on, when we found the metastasis, to live my life. I need all of you to that!
I hate missing stuff!!!!
love, diane
