The Beginning

On June 8, 2009 I was notified by my gynecologist that the biopsy taken the previous week was indeed Endometrial Cancer.  I was already scheduled for a CT scan to see if the cancer had spread, the surgeon was notified and I was to see her, and I was to have surgery on Friday June 12, 2009 @ 1pm.

CT scan was negative for metastasis so I felt good about that.  My husband David and I met the surgeon, Marcia Bowling a gynecologic oncologist.  She was very confident.  She explained the surgery and we were as ready as we could be.

June 12, 2009 a hysterectomy with bilateral salpingo-oopherectomy was performed.  Multiple lymph nodes and washing were sampled.  When the pathology report came back the next week the staging was early and since no mets had been found we were confident everything was fine.  Radiation to the next likely spot, the vagina, was done to lessen the chance of recurrence from 15 to 3-4%.  You see the tumor was near the vasculature so the Radiation was administered vaginally (second oncologist joins my case).

Checks were done faithfully every three months and all was well.  During the summer of 2010 I complained of not having my stamina back.  I was referred to my primary care for work-up.  Of course nothing was found.  They always want to say the since I was old, fat, and don't exercise is the reason for just about anything,

In Dec 2010 during my regular check up I described a couple of vague abdominal symptoms that just could not be explained away.  So we got a CT and Chest Xray.  Sure enough, there it was.

On January 4, 2011 I found out that the Cancer had metastasized to my retroperitoneal lymph nodes and nodules were scattered bilaterally throughout my lungs.  Old, fat, and not exercising huh?  Seriously?

I saw yet another oncologist and the process was initiated immediately to begin chemo.  A biopsy performed on January 7th confirmed the diagnosis.  Jan 13th I had a port-a-cath surgically implanted in my upper left shoulder for easy access to administer the chemo and draw blood.  Yesterday, Jan 18th I had my first chemo treatment.

You see, this cancer is aggressive.  If I don't have chemo, although the doctor absolutely admits that he cannot know when a person will die, I only have months.  With chemo there is a 60% chance for remission.

I have wondered how I would react if I ever received news like this.  I was feeling blessed and grateful to have gotten mine removed with so little chance of recurrence when others weren't so fortunate.

When a friend who was diagnosed with cancer the same year as I died just a few days ago I thought how does God choose who gets to live or die.  The very next day I found out mine had spread.

So here is my response to this news:  God is in charge and He knows what He is doing. I have always trusted God with my life.  We have followed where He was leading, at least to the best of our discernment.  He has ALWAYS taken care of us and our family.  I love Him so much and my love grows as I get older and see more of Him.

 I don't want to die.  I have a lot to do yet.  Dustin will get married.  Haley will get married.  Nick and Blake will some day for that matter.  Michelle and Bill need me to be their ever so present mother/mother-in-law for many years yet.  Then Dustin will have kids etc.  Mom and Dad are still here and although I don't do that much for them living the farthest away, I do what I can.  David needs me I think, at least to take care of his medical issues.  That's one of the things I can do well.  lol.

Singing in Fresh Winds, they don't need me, but I sure do need them.  They cannot know just how precious they are to me.  Words do not do it justice.  I mean that about each and every member.

Then there's our friends in the bt.  Nothing needs to be said here.  What said in bt........!

So what's next for me?  I will do what I can to fight this "poison" in me.  God will take me when He is ready and not before.  It is really left up to Him.  He does know that I want to stay as long as I can.

I know I will have various kinds of days and moods, both ups and downs.  God knows that too.  He has been so patient with me over these past 57 years.  I have grown to know that He loves me and does not condemn me.  He created me and has changed me to be more like he wants me to be.  I am not a finished product yet.  I falter and fail more times that I would like.  But I have also grown in so many ways too.  The good thing is that there is nothing I do that gets me into heaven.  Only the grace of God by His Son dying on the cross accomplishes that.  He did it for me and you.

I want to live my life to the fullest for as long as I have left.  I really don't have a bucket list since I do pretty much what I want to now.  I want more time.  I want to be around people who I love and love me.  That's really what I want to do.

I have a lot of singing, laughing, and aggravating doctors left to do.  And, don't forget the RAVE!