It's time to let you know what's going on.
After 5 of 6 gemzar treatments the poison the side effects did me in. I was dehydrated but very swollen. Had to have IV fluids at home over a weekend. Blood work not doing well. Nauseated. You probably get the idea. I had a CT to see if there were blood clots causing the swelling or perhaps the cancer had progressed. Neither were great choices.
The CT scan showed the lymph node had at least halted growth. No improvement but no growth either. Since the side effects were taking their toll on me, lowering my quality of life, the 6th gemzar was not given.
Today we saw the doctor. We need to change drugs. The goal is to shrink the node. If we do nothing it will grow. So, next Tuesday we start Taxotere. This week is a rest week. We need to get going on this.
Here's the hitch. Gemzar is the only drug that would let me keep my hair. So, in about 4 weeks I will be bald again. He was concerned how I felt about that. The only answer is it's just hair. My choices are no hair and continue in attack mode or keep my hair and let the cancer go. I just can't do that.
David told the doctor that we had found that women with metastatic uterine cancer only live a year. The doctor said that's right. Kind of sobering. But my DDD (drop dead date) was Jan 4. My CT scan was one year to the day that we found metastatic disease last Jan. So we have done really well, beat the odds if you will. God used poison to give me time. Precious time.
I was so hoping the first round of treatments beginning last Jan would do the trick. I have found out one thing. It's not so easy to trust this time around. Especially when I feel so bad. I know God sees my heart and I try to rely on that truth. Jeremiah 29:11 is still true no matter how I am feeling or whether I "trust" or not. God is still in charge even when my faith is not so high.
David is realizing we are doing just that. Buying time. He knew it but it is hitting him again. It is a sobering thought. Actually, we are all on borrowed time. I am reminded again, we are all at His mercy. Live the best life you can. He's God................
Wow! Very powerful, Diane. I am so sorry you are going through this.
ReplyDeleteLeslie
Impacted by your writing; even more by your life and faith. Praying for His embrace to be felt like no other time for you and David.
ReplyDeleteCasey
Thinking of you lots the last few weeks! Missing you here at work but knowing that family is where you need to be right now! Love you lots and sending all my prayers your way..saw pictures from the wedding, you looked beautiful and did the bride and groom!!!! Any time you want to yell, complain, vent or cry I am here when you need me!!!!!!! Michele
ReplyDeleteI love you Miss Diana.
ReplyDeleteGerson.
Diane -
ReplyDeleteYou are a warrior - keep your fighting spirit. I pray that God will make a way - when it all seems so impossible, that He will allow this treatment to work - and give you life without all of this.
Praying for you....
Love, Deb
Thinking of you, Diane! Stay strong and great attitude will pull you through. -- Khiang
ReplyDeleteThese are challenging days. Days filled with questions and struggles. But, none the less, days to live to the fullest. I am so proud of you Diane. You are my lifelong partner and friend. I am amazed by your determination and will to make each day count. I learn so much from your example of trust and faith in our God. Thank you for opening my eyes and heart to honesty.
ReplyDeleteDavid Orner
Diane,
ReplyDeleteAm awed by your strength. You are truly "fighting the good fight". My love and prayers are with you, David and your family. Please call if there"s anything you need at all. Love you!! Mikki
Well, I wasn't going to read this sight again but when someone told me you had a sobering post.
ReplyDeleteWell, here I am. It's about 4 am. Don't worry no matter what I'm sensing, feeling or answers -you are safe from me. No preaching. lol I love you Diane Orner. By the way just for the record, I told you, that you were Not the usual person and you would defy the records. So yeah!!! By golly, you could be the poster child with No problem with this new drug. And I am going to pray for just that. Healing or amazing and wonderful results with this medicine. :) As for your hair, at least you have a pretty head. No lie, you do. So Wear your cool wig or show them all and go NAKED!!! I am quite sure with earrings and makeup, you would look as pretty as always. You might want to wear clothes on your body though. Plus you have to get better, I hear tell MW is going tv. America's got talent. You know we will have to go. David, be the Rock you are all the time. And We have got you when you need a hug. BT rules!!! Just keep singing, what do you do...
Music Therapy baby. Sing, Sing, Sing...
Do what you have to do to fight this thing Lady Diane. I know you are tougher than most even at your lowest moment. I have watched you. By the way, gorgeous pic of the family. You look good!
Hey, I am here to do whatever you want to do, so whenever... text me and away we will go or we can just be.
You are a Warrior lady, that medicine must have made your head foggy and you forgot. So put on your new armor and take your new medicine and go, go, go. See ya soon. K
I want to say something but the word escape me. I am not good with words to comfort just remember you and your family are in my prayers. I still remember the first Sunday that Dustin was in my second grade Sunday school Class at Beavercreek...What a wonderful caring young man he has grown up to be. I saw the wedding pictures and he still looks like that wide eyed full of love and care for who ever he meets..Take care and remember there are a lot of people pulling for you to overcome this cancer.
ReplyDeleteDia - just read your post. Your honesty about your cancer is sobering but your faith is amazing. I know how hard this is for you and for your family. I also know what a strong and determined individual you are. Keep swinging and please, please let me know what I can do. I pray for you everyday. I pray for God to give you the strength to continue the fight. I ask HIm to give you encouragement through His word. I pray for you to feel His love through the many sets of hands and feet that minister to you. Oh Diane, I especially pray for your complete recovery and healing. God bless you my sister. Linda
ReplyDeleteDiane, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I always admired your strength and now I see you grow stronger. God bless x
ReplyDeleteDiane, I understand your honesty in telling it like it is...it helps you and everyone to understand what your days are like. The days are difficult and one never knows what the next day will hold. I just want to say that I admire both you and your honesty. There's only one life for everyone and living each day to the fullest is so important. I took taxotere and cytoxin for my cancer and my hair fell out the 12th day. Truthfully, I was kind of glad as I was beginning to look like "Uncle Fester." I had a stroke before cancer and there were nights I had to crawl upstairs because the meds affected the bones in my affected leg. It is hard but life is worth living and living each day to its fullest. You are in my daily prayers as is David.
ReplyDeleteStephanie Wolfram