yes, that's where I am. one of those dark places I can go so easily. this time it not only affects me.
I have been guilty of pushing folks away. many folks have told me how good my new hair looks. I start to believe them then I see myself in a mirror or a picture. my friends try to encourage me but I push them away. I could wear my wig. I could use a "do rag". I am tired of those. it really doesn't help for people to try to encourage me. I get overwhelmed with folks making over me. I know that's not normal, that I should not feel that way. but I am not normal, especially now. this is uncharted territory for me. only thing I can figure is that I am self conscious about it and embarrassed. when I look at myself I see a bald headed old lady. I can't help it.
my intent is not to hurt anyone's feelings but I am sure that is what has happened. I am sorry. please forgive me if you can.
Diane I know that place is easy to sink into but know one thing you are beautiful with or without hair with a wig or the hair that is growing back those who know you would never take offense because they know it is a daily struggle just to smile but try to stay encouraged that you may be bald not quite that old but you are still a DIVA in my book......love ya to Life
ReplyDeleteDiane,
ReplyDeleteYou say you are not normal, but I think you are. Anyone would feel just as you do if they were in your situation. You can't trust your feelings right now. Feelings fluctuate, which is why they cannot be trusted. Trust what you know and what you have been taught all your life. You are loved by everyone who knows you, especially your Mom and Dad.
Sis, I kinda remember a time when your hair was almost that short because it was very hot out and I believe there is no difference but because you know of the reason this time it makes you self-conscious. I might be wrong and if I am it is fine if you tell me that. You have always wore it short and to me you in long hair isn't you. I do understand how you might be thinking people are looking and how it might affect you. Maybe now you could have fun with it. color it a color and then dye the tips different pastel colors or one color and spike so the tips stand up and make the sides with only the base color slicked back. It is just a suggestion and since it is your choice to do something fun when people look or ask you don't have to answer with doom and gloom. I am not in your shoes so since I always have "out there" ways of expressing myself, I hope you take it with how I am trying to say it. I love you no matter how the outside of you look. As I said before when I saw you last week I thought you looked beautiful. Maybe having fun with it will lighten the load of stressing. In today's world, anything goes. Your grand kids will think you are cool. Don't think I am crazy or get mad at me, if it makes you smile, then the suggestion is worth it. You are as normal as a "Shade" can be. I love you, Lori
ReplyDeleteWell I read your post and since I am on this gismo, you know it. The funny thing about friends, you push but we push back. You cry, we cry, too. You laugh, we laugh, too. You run away, we find you. Tag-you are it. I knooooooowwwwwww how much you have stressed over this hair business and I know how much it mattered to you this past weekend. I will just tell it like it is. In our eyes you really did look great and not for an old lady who has the big Cancer and who's hair is growing back. You looked Really good. And I'm glad you didn't wear your Wig. Not that it's not a good wig because it is. But you looked Good. And I'm quite sure the pictures will show you that I'm being honest.
ReplyDeleteI hate Cancer Diane and I really hate that you have it. I will never understand why good people get things and people that are mean and bad don't. However, I trust that God knows why. He will have to explain it to me someday. I promise I will not make over you so you won't gag and I will always be honest, no matter what.
Deal, deal! Now what movie are we going to see next?
By the way my husband says, "Tell her to quit lookin' in that mirror". In other words, "Stay out of those places."
ReplyDeleteYou are allowed to go there sometimes, Scream, cry, yell.......If it makes you feel better do it, then concentrate on feeling better and getting well..People love you and want you to know how much they care, But it is hard to smile all the time. Take care of yourself.......Don't worry about others right now. we Love you just the way you are...........
ReplyDeleteEveryone copes with cancer in a different way, it was a gift for me in a way. Made me realize what is important and live everyday like it is my last. Corny but true. It is hard to stay out of those dark places at times. Everything can seem insurmountable, take things one at a time and one day at a time. And do it Diane's way.
ReplyDelete