the week leading up to Chemo #6

Here I sit as I contemplate my last treatment, for this round at least!  What is next?  This has sure been a year I would not have chosen.  Not even for my worst enemy.

I don't look forward to Monday, sitting there is not too bad.  But the days that follow suck.  I know the side effects are temporary, I hope.  But I still get depressed.  I think that I get depressed because I let my thoughts go to the fear place.  That I will die a long, drawn out, painful cancer death.  That's what I envision.  And maybe that is what will happen, eventually.

Today I listened to Max Lucado's Fearless book.  He pointed out that God wants us to talk to Him about whatever we are afraid of.  Be very honest.  He knows anyway.  Mine would be, God I am scared, I don't want to die.  Take this cancer from me.  Kill it.  But Your will is what I really want.  Max reminded me that this is how Jesus prayed before the crucifixion.  Jesus was not so anxious to die either.  He begged to be relieved from it.  But, he knew it was the Father's plan.  It also exemplifies that Jesus understands what I feel. He did it too.

I am self conscious about my lack of hair.  Well if Oprah is brave enough to let herself been seen in public without makeup and a fancy hair-do then surely little ole' me can open myself up too.

Without makeup, as if you had to be told!

With makeup, a little better!

Top it all off!